It’s not enough that people are rude and inconsiderate and smelly and stupid and dull and mean and self centered, but now they are all going crazy. I don’t mean slightly neurotic; I mean dressing up like their dead mother to murder people psycho. In the past I have used the word crazy very lightly, as with other words. But recently I have decided to reserve the word for true acts of insanity. For example I would refer to someone who drives poorly as a crazy driver; even though all they are doing is going to fast or passing in risky spots. Now I consider a crazy driver someone who IS GOING THE WRONG WAY through a tight construction zone and gives you that “Get out of my way, I’m unstable!” look as they zoom by, barely missing your front bumper. The detour is clearly marked and there is plenty of traffic to follow. That’s crazy.
I previously thought everyone posting useless crap on YouTube was crazy. Now I realize they are mostly attention whores with low self esteem desperately yelling at the top of their lungs for someone to listen. (If you’re about to make a connection to those people on YouTube and this blog, please understand; I’m not yelling, you can’t yell in print.) Anyways, despite their absurd antics, most of the YouTube people are perfectly sane. The nutty people on YouTube didn’t put themselves there. Most of them were caught on film doing mentally questionable things like calling out rapists on the news or crying at a WWF convention or robbing a convenience store with a six foot long tree branch. They didn’t ask to be on the YouTube, they went berserker and someone captured it and uploaded it for all of us to see.
I have used the word crazy for just about anyone on a game or reality TV show. This was wrong of me. You see, these people go on those shows to try and get money. There is nothing crazy about trying to get money. Everyone is trying to get more money. People will do just about anything for money, that doesn’t make them crazy, just greedy. Actually most of the people on those shows are much more stupid than mad; see The Jersey Shore. Now, a show with crazy people is something like Toddlers and Tiaras. The mothers that dress up their children and put all that make-up on them and make them lose weight and yell at them are crazy. That is child abuse and they should be jailed or shot, which ever is cheaper. They are teaching their children that physical appearances are the only important thing when looking for a partner in life. That’s just nonsense because we all know money and status are equally important when selecting a mate.
I could probably devote a whole blog to how much we use words out of context or scale up and down their values. For instance I am a great offender of the word awesome. Granted most of the time I use it sarcastically, but on some occasions I’ll use it to describe a recent meal or other common event of my boring life. If the dinner I just ate at some restaurant was “awesome” what word could I possibly use if I’m walking down the street one day and Jesus appears and we have a good long talk about life and then he beats me down in a pickup basketball game? I can’t say it was awesome because I’d be comparing a simple meal to getting schooled on the court by Jesus Christ.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Best Picture Project 2, American Beauty
Happy Monday, if that's even possible. Monday is the home to our new Best Picture Project, we hope you enjoy. In case any of you want to watch along with us, the next few movies we plan on watching are Driving Miss Daisy, No Country For Old Men and Platoon. Lets just jump right in...
American Beauty, 1999
I didn’t know much about this film going in. I remember seeing previews back in that day, something about floating roses and naked high school girls, but that’s about all I knew before hand. I would like to state for the record that I absolutely love seeing movies I know zero about. There is nothing more thrilling than a movie blowing you away when you least expect it. That is however, becoming more and more difficult in this day and age of spoilers and the evil internetz. So please do yourself a favor, if you haven’t seen this movie and know nothing about it, go watch it before you read this. Please? I’m serious.
Anyways, I loved Sunset Boulevard because right from the gate you knew the main protagonist was dead/going to die. American Beauty pulled a very similar stunt and it worked to keep you guessing. My wife probably will brag she figured it out from the beginning but it was still a great maneuver to keep viewers on their toes. Besides, my wife figures out all the movies ahead of everyone else. An even better move was to have the movie narrated from the beyond by the posthumous lead. Kevin Spacey fills the roll of a forty something experiencing a mid life crisis, lusting after a seemingly unattainable teenage girl perfectly. The rest of the cast is also perfect and really pieces together a portrait of American insanity. Things are not always as they seem in this film and I think that really mirrors life. We all put up fake walls to keep people from knowing who we really are. We must protect our dirty little secrets.
But I want to talk about the real beauty of the film. When Kevin Spacey’s character realizes the life he’d been looking for was right in front of him the whole time; then he is shot. Afterlife narrator Spacey ends the movie by reminding us that there is beauty everywhere in the world if we are willing to look. We spent some much of our time nit picking and complaining about the small things that we often forget to stop and enjoy their beauty as well. In the end life is the most beautiful thing we have and we should be grateful because that life is all we have. This was definitely worthy of its Oscar win.
Hobo Dan-
American Beauty is a film that I had wanted to see since it was released in the late 90s (which really doesn't seem that long ago to me even though it's now 2011...hmmm now I feel old...). However, I never got around to seeing it, even though I would always comment if someone brought it up "Yeah, I really want to see that." In fact, I put it in our Netflix Que over a year ago, LONG before the husband and I started our Best Picture Project. (Wow! Don't you just love Netflix...it might just be like my favorite thing ever). So we finally got around to watching it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was predictable, but that doesn't mean it was bad or anything. Kevin Spacey rocked it and TOTALLY DESERVED his Oscar for Best Actor that year! Now if you haven't seen American Beauty, I ask you to PLEASE stop reading here as the next part of this post contains spoilers (or keep reading if you are the type that likes to be spoiled).
I loved the music, cinematogrophy, acting and theme of the movie. I did find Spacey's character to be a bit whiney and "whoa is me" but then again, that behavior is essential to the film's meaning and ending. Thora Birch, who I always remember as Teeny from Now and Then, my favorite childhood movie, was great as well. Mena Suvari, who I remember best from American Pie, was good too. Really, I couldn't complain about any of the acting. Also, I got to see what Sandy Cohen would look like with grey hair thanks to the movie. If you don't know who Sandy Cohen is and have never seen The OC, shame on you! Even the husband liked the first two seasons!
Anyway back to the movie, yes I did find it predictable as I mentioned before. I love movies that start out with the dead person narrating... very Sunset Boulevard-esque! I knew that by the end of the movie Spacey's character would realize what a good life he had led, but it would be right as he was about to die. I knew as soon as I laid eyes on him, who Spacey's "killer" would be. Yes, the creepy neighbor who was stuck in the 1950s and a war veteran, who seemed to never have gotten over his time in the war...PTSD perhaps? I also knew that as soon as this character had a brief meeting with the other neighbors, who are gay, at the beginning of the film, that he totally had some homosexual tendencies and was over compensating. When I made this remark early in the film, the husband rolled his eyes at me. This character was fascinating and the way they portrayed his "stuck in the past" personality with the shots of his home (all old decor), his rigid family rules, and a wife, who was the epitome of a traditional 50s wife, was incredible. As the character had an encounter with Spacey's character over a mis-understanding, I shouted "Oh my God he is gonna kiss him." And then BOOM! He did! When Spacey didn't reciprocate, I knew the neighbor wouldn't be able to live with his secret out and that Spacey would soon bite the dust.
However, before Spacey bites it, he finally gets his chance with his daughter's high school friend (Suvari) that he had been disgustingly, yet hilariously lusting over the entire movie. I knew though before they almost "got it on" that something "shocking" would happen...which wasn't at all surprising to me. Early in the movie when they were making her appear to be some big ole hoochie, I said, "I bet she really is just a virgin." CABOOM! Right again! As they are about to do it, Suvari tells Spacey it was "her first time." This revelation ultimately snaps Spacey back to reality and he sees her as just a young girl and no longer a fantasy. After a bout of awkwardness, Spacey finally asks Suvari how his daughter (Birch) is doing (who of course was pretty much ignored by him the entire movie). It is around this time that Spacey's character finally begins to realize his whole life just hasn't been a big pile of dog crap. In his final scene on screen, he looks at a photo of his family and sees that he did have a good, "beautiful" life. Right as he realizes this, he is shot (of course), in what is perhaps one of the most breathtaking scenes of the film. While we never see the creepy neighbor shoot Spacey, we understand that it is he who did as he returns to his home covered in blood.
The end comments about how there is beauty everywhere really pull this film together. So often we complain, whine and don't realize just how good we have it. And like Spacey's character, we never realize what we have until it's too late.
So now that my rambling review is over (and hey I didn't even touch on Spacey's wife in the film...I could probably write an essay), was American Beauty worthy of its Oscar Best Picture win? Absolutely.
- The Wife
American Beauty, 1999
I didn’t know much about this film going in. I remember seeing previews back in that day, something about floating roses and naked high school girls, but that’s about all I knew before hand. I would like to state for the record that I absolutely love seeing movies I know zero about. There is nothing more thrilling than a movie blowing you away when you least expect it. That is however, becoming more and more difficult in this day and age of spoilers and the evil internetz. So please do yourself a favor, if you haven’t seen this movie and know nothing about it, go watch it before you read this. Please? I’m serious.
Anyways, I loved Sunset Boulevard because right from the gate you knew the main protagonist was dead/going to die. American Beauty pulled a very similar stunt and it worked to keep you guessing. My wife probably will brag she figured it out from the beginning but it was still a great maneuver to keep viewers on their toes. Besides, my wife figures out all the movies ahead of everyone else. An even better move was to have the movie narrated from the beyond by the posthumous lead. Kevin Spacey fills the roll of a forty something experiencing a mid life crisis, lusting after a seemingly unattainable teenage girl perfectly. The rest of the cast is also perfect and really pieces together a portrait of American insanity. Things are not always as they seem in this film and I think that really mirrors life. We all put up fake walls to keep people from knowing who we really are. We must protect our dirty little secrets.
But I want to talk about the real beauty of the film. When Kevin Spacey’s character realizes the life he’d been looking for was right in front of him the whole time; then he is shot. Afterlife narrator Spacey ends the movie by reminding us that there is beauty everywhere in the world if we are willing to look. We spent some much of our time nit picking and complaining about the small things that we often forget to stop and enjoy their beauty as well. In the end life is the most beautiful thing we have and we should be grateful because that life is all we have. This was definitely worthy of its Oscar win.
Hobo Dan-
American Beauty is a film that I had wanted to see since it was released in the late 90s (which really doesn't seem that long ago to me even though it's now 2011...hmmm now I feel old...). However, I never got around to seeing it, even though I would always comment if someone brought it up "Yeah, I really want to see that." In fact, I put it in our Netflix Que over a year ago, LONG before the husband and I started our Best Picture Project. (Wow! Don't you just love Netflix...it might just be like my favorite thing ever). So we finally got around to watching it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was predictable, but that doesn't mean it was bad or anything. Kevin Spacey rocked it and TOTALLY DESERVED his Oscar for Best Actor that year! Now if you haven't seen American Beauty, I ask you to PLEASE stop reading here as the next part of this post contains spoilers (or keep reading if you are the type that likes to be spoiled).
I loved the music, cinematogrophy, acting and theme of the movie. I did find Spacey's character to be a bit whiney and "whoa is me" but then again, that behavior is essential to the film's meaning and ending. Thora Birch, who I always remember as Teeny from Now and Then, my favorite childhood movie, was great as well. Mena Suvari, who I remember best from American Pie, was good too. Really, I couldn't complain about any of the acting. Also, I got to see what Sandy Cohen would look like with grey hair thanks to the movie. If you don't know who Sandy Cohen is and have never seen The OC, shame on you! Even the husband liked the first two seasons!
Anyway back to the movie, yes I did find it predictable as I mentioned before. I love movies that start out with the dead person narrating... very Sunset Boulevard-esque! I knew that by the end of the movie Spacey's character would realize what a good life he had led, but it would be right as he was about to die. I knew as soon as I laid eyes on him, who Spacey's "killer" would be. Yes, the creepy neighbor who was stuck in the 1950s and a war veteran, who seemed to never have gotten over his time in the war...PTSD perhaps? I also knew that as soon as this character had a brief meeting with the other neighbors, who are gay, at the beginning of the film, that he totally had some homosexual tendencies and was over compensating. When I made this remark early in the film, the husband rolled his eyes at me. This character was fascinating and the way they portrayed his "stuck in the past" personality with the shots of his home (all old decor), his rigid family rules, and a wife, who was the epitome of a traditional 50s wife, was incredible. As the character had an encounter with Spacey's character over a mis-understanding, I shouted "Oh my God he is gonna kiss him." And then BOOM! He did! When Spacey didn't reciprocate, I knew the neighbor wouldn't be able to live with his secret out and that Spacey would soon bite the dust.
However, before Spacey bites it, he finally gets his chance with his daughter's high school friend (Suvari) that he had been disgustingly, yet hilariously lusting over the entire movie. I knew though before they almost "got it on" that something "shocking" would happen...which wasn't at all surprising to me. Early in the movie when they were making her appear to be some big ole hoochie, I said, "I bet she really is just a virgin." CABOOM! Right again! As they are about to do it, Suvari tells Spacey it was "her first time." This revelation ultimately snaps Spacey back to reality and he sees her as just a young girl and no longer a fantasy. After a bout of awkwardness, Spacey finally asks Suvari how his daughter (Birch) is doing (who of course was pretty much ignored by him the entire movie). It is around this time that Spacey's character finally begins to realize his whole life just hasn't been a big pile of dog crap. In his final scene on screen, he looks at a photo of his family and sees that he did have a good, "beautiful" life. Right as he realizes this, he is shot (of course), in what is perhaps one of the most breathtaking scenes of the film. While we never see the creepy neighbor shoot Spacey, we understand that it is he who did as he returns to his home covered in blood.
The end comments about how there is beauty everywhere really pull this film together. So often we complain, whine and don't realize just how good we have it. And like Spacey's character, we never realize what we have until it's too late.
So now that my rambling review is over (and hey I didn't even touch on Spacey's wife in the film...I could probably write an essay), was American Beauty worthy of its Oscar Best Picture win? Absolutely.
- The Wife
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Games As Art and Stuff
It’s been a long time since a video game gave me chills. But then again games are not art right? How could they have possibly spark some emotional reaction? I mean how could a game be art in the first place? It’s not like you have to have any special skill set to make them. All you do to make a game is sit down and endlessly code numbers until your eyes bleed. Well, accept for the people who write the story and the music. Oh, and the people who design the graphic art and sound effects. Plus you have the people who put all those elements together into something coherent. Other than that there is no room for artists in the gaming world. Right?
I hope you sensed my sarcasm there. I hate pointing it out, but I really want to hammer home a point here. Games can be art. Just because they don’t fit into the preconceived notions of art doesn’t mean anything. I seem to remember reading about a time when movies were looking down upon in a similar fashion. I don’t think anyone now days would argue against film being a forum of art. Video games are still a very new medium. They are still evolving and finding audiences. We are still defining what games really are in the first place and how to play them. If you want example look now further than the indie game movement. Some of you will roll your eyes when I mention Minecraft. I know I talk about it way too much; it’s getting to an unhealthy level, but it proves my point. Minecraft has taken an incredibly simple idea and made it a huge success. The idea? Let the player do what ever they want. Want to build a castle? Okay. How about a space ship, or a dark tower or the Coliseum or the cathedral of Notre Dame or a giant penis or the world? Sure. That simple idea has stolen away many hours of my life, but I don’t see them wasted because what is art if not the expansion of one mind. I would not be surprised in twenty years if a whole generation of architects is asked what got them interested in the field and they answer: Minecraft.
But back to my original point; it has been a long time since a game gave me chills, until last week. I downloaded a little iPad game called Sword & Sworcery EP. It’s more of a point and go adventure than what we think of as a traditional game these days. I hate to use the word “casual” because it tends to turn off people who consider themselves “hardcore” but the game is very suited to all players. You don’t have to memorize button combinations, nor have pin point head shot accuracy to complete and enjoy this one. The game play is simple and enjoyable. The graphic art is pixilated perfection and helps some truly epic environments come to life. The writing is funny and entertaining. The music is some of the best game music I’ve ever heard. There are a few down sides, however. There is a small combat mode that feels awkward, but you barely use it, so that’s a minor problem. The major problem is it’s an iPad only game. This fact will limit availability greatly. Even though iPad is the best format for this game, I think to grow an audience the developer should consider other platforms. But, if you have an iPad (and I know some of you do) get Sword & Sworcery EP, plug in your head phones and enjoy the hell out of an artfully executed experience.
I hope you sensed my sarcasm there. I hate pointing it out, but I really want to hammer home a point here. Games can be art. Just because they don’t fit into the preconceived notions of art doesn’t mean anything. I seem to remember reading about a time when movies were looking down upon in a similar fashion. I don’t think anyone now days would argue against film being a forum of art. Video games are still a very new medium. They are still evolving and finding audiences. We are still defining what games really are in the first place and how to play them. If you want example look now further than the indie game movement. Some of you will roll your eyes when I mention Minecraft. I know I talk about it way too much; it’s getting to an unhealthy level, but it proves my point. Minecraft has taken an incredibly simple idea and made it a huge success. The idea? Let the player do what ever they want. Want to build a castle? Okay. How about a space ship, or a dark tower or the Coliseum or the cathedral of Notre Dame or a giant penis or the world? Sure. That simple idea has stolen away many hours of my life, but I don’t see them wasted because what is art if not the expansion of one mind. I would not be surprised in twenty years if a whole generation of architects is asked what got them interested in the field and they answer: Minecraft.
But back to my original point; it has been a long time since a game gave me chills, until last week. I downloaded a little iPad game called Sword & Sworcery EP. It’s more of a point and go adventure than what we think of as a traditional game these days. I hate to use the word “casual” because it tends to turn off people who consider themselves “hardcore” but the game is very suited to all players. You don’t have to memorize button combinations, nor have pin point head shot accuracy to complete and enjoy this one. The game play is simple and enjoyable. The graphic art is pixilated perfection and helps some truly epic environments come to life. The writing is funny and entertaining. The music is some of the best game music I’ve ever heard. There are a few down sides, however. There is a small combat mode that feels awkward, but you barely use it, so that’s a minor problem. The major problem is it’s an iPad only game. This fact will limit availability greatly. Even though iPad is the best format for this game, I think to grow an audience the developer should consider other platforms. But, if you have an iPad (and I know some of you do) get Sword & Sworcery EP, plug in your head phones and enjoy the hell out of an artfully executed experience.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Best Picture Project, Gladiator and Chicago
A few weekends ago the Wife and I decided we were going to start watching films that have won best picture; the goal being to see all of them. Now please don’t think we in any way give into the notion that a movie that wins best picture is in some way better than movies that don’t. I myself have been known to turn up my nose at some movies just because they win all the awards or are very popular. But the time in my life for judgment without facts is over. I’m tired of hating things just because. It is time to watch the movies and then decide if said film is worthy or not. Sometimes I have trashed a movie because of its genre (Romantic, Musical, Teen Vampire Romance) and other times I have avoided a film simply because of the actors involved. My Wife and I are finished with these preconceived notions. The time is now. We have agreed to skip any film both of us have seen and remember pretty well. We will still be watching the movies one of us has seen but the other has not.
After we watch the movies we will do a short write up with our thoughts for the blog. If it’s a movie neither of us have seen we will probably both make comments, but in the other case, the person new to the film will compose the post. We are also going to look at the other films nominated that year, hoping to find something else we’ve seen to compare with. At some point I figure we will get to writing about the ones we have already seen as well; in hopes of someday having thoughts about every film on the list. The idea right now is to push these Best Picture Project posts out on Mondays. Occasionally if I've had a dry week I may post them on Thursday, but only if absolutely necessary.
I’ll be labeling the posts for this project in Movies and BPP (Best Picture Project)
So without further delay, our first two Best Picture comments...
Gladiator, 2000
While I find Russell Crow to be a good actor, I am not exactly his greatest fan. That opinion along with the few random, mainly fight scenes of Gladiator that I had seen on tv in the past had me completely turned off from this movie. However, with our best picture project, it must be watched! The movie ended up surprising me... since I had only seen the fight scenes I never realized there was so much depth to the film. I do think it was worthy of it's Oscar win. Russell Crow was good, but honestly for me Joaquin Phoenix stole the show in his portrayal of the villain, Commodus. Phoenix, who I LOVED as Johnny Cash in one of my all time favorite movies, Walk the Line, was excellent and overshadowed Crow in my opinion. Phoenix was able to convey the psycho nature of the character, but was still able to evoke sympathy. Creeper sister-lovin' aside, I felt for Commodus... I mean his dad seemed like a real douche... never loving him and basically rejecting him as a son... never even giving him a chance from the start. He even openly admitted to wanting another man to be his son and successor! His daddy issues made him become what he was...and I felt sympathy for him, despite his villainous nature. I don't think many actors could make you feel the sympathy that Phoenix did. The virtue speech said it best for me: Commodus:
"You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list, I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father. Ambition. That can be a virtue when it drives us to excel. Resourcefulness, courage, perhaps not on the battlefield, but... there are many forms of courage. Devotion, to my family and to you. But none of my virtues were on your list. Even then it was as if you didn't want me for your son."
Phoenix's delivery in this speech was jam-packed with emotion and if it wasn't for the aforementioned incestuous tendencies, I might have been more on his side. So to sum it up, Gladiator was better than I expected. Complaint? Continuity... it is hinted that Maximus and Commodus' sister (whose name escapes me at the moment) had a past. However, Maximus said that he had never been to Rome and wouldn't she have spent the majority of her life in Rome? I would appreciate any clarity someone could give me for this.
The Wife-
Chicago, 2002
Do not adjust contrast on your monitor; leave the brightness alone too. You are reading this correctly, I liked Chicago . I know right? It’s like all that bitching I do about musicals is just hypocritical negligence. This must be what it’s like to try new things. How about one step further, I really liked Chicago ; but that’s as far as I’m stepping out. I’ll even admit I did not give it a fair chance, because that’s what I do. “Oh, a musical? Yeah, I’m not gonna like this.” Well color me an asshole.
First and foremost Chicago was entertaining. There wasn’t one moment I found myself checking the time to figure how much longer I had to refrain from suicide. I think that may be the true test of a film’s quality. People can talk about acting and cinematography and graphics and wardrobe and style until they get pushed down a flight of stairs because they are annoying. But when push comes to shove, did the movie entertain you? Yes, Chicago did. Who knew Richard Gere could sing and dance and play a sleazy lawyer but still remain somewhat likable? Hell I didn’t even know he could act. This was far more than just a musical. You see in all the musicals I’ve ever seen, they string together the songs with mostly meaningless conversations meant to get you to the next song. The musical and regular parts of Chicago went together so nicely there was no need to fill gaps with chatter. The musical portions also satirized the acting, drawing out two worlds; one of song and the real one. These two worlds were blended together masterfully. This film deserved every award it got and John C. Reilly should have won for best supporting actor. But maybe it’s fitting he didn’t win after being a cellophane man.
Hobo Dan-
After we watch the movies we will do a short write up with our thoughts for the blog. If it’s a movie neither of us have seen we will probably both make comments, but in the other case, the person new to the film will compose the post. We are also going to look at the other films nominated that year, hoping to find something else we’ve seen to compare with. At some point I figure we will get to writing about the ones we have already seen as well; in hopes of someday having thoughts about every film on the list. The idea right now is to push these Best Picture Project posts out on Mondays. Occasionally if I've had a dry week I may post them on Thursday, but only if absolutely necessary.
I’ll be labeling the posts for this project in Movies and BPP (Best Picture Project)
So without further delay, our first two Best Picture comments...
Gladiator, 2000
While I find Russell Crow to be a good actor, I am not exactly his greatest fan. That opinion along with the few random, mainly fight scenes of Gladiator that I had seen on tv in the past had me completely turned off from this movie. However, with our best picture project, it must be watched! The movie ended up surprising me... since I had only seen the fight scenes I never realized there was so much depth to the film. I do think it was worthy of it's Oscar win. Russell Crow was good, but honestly for me Joaquin Phoenix stole the show in his portrayal of the villain, Commodus. Phoenix, who I LOVED as Johnny Cash in one of my all time favorite movies, Walk the Line, was excellent and overshadowed Crow in my opinion. Phoenix was able to convey the psycho nature of the character, but was still able to evoke sympathy. Creeper sister-lovin' aside, I felt for Commodus... I mean his dad seemed like a real douche... never loving him and basically rejecting him as a son... never even giving him a chance from the start. He even openly admitted to wanting another man to be his son and successor! His daddy issues made him become what he was...and I felt sympathy for him, despite his villainous nature. I don't think many actors could make you feel the sympathy that Phoenix did. The virtue speech said it best for me: Commodus:
"You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list, I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father. Ambition. That can be a virtue when it drives us to excel. Resourcefulness, courage, perhaps not on the battlefield, but... there are many forms of courage. Devotion, to my family and to you. But none of my virtues were on your list. Even then it was as if you didn't want me for your son."
Phoenix's delivery in this speech was jam-packed with emotion and if it wasn't for the aforementioned incestuous tendencies, I might have been more on his side. So to sum it up, Gladiator was better than I expected. Complaint? Continuity... it is hinted that Maximus and Commodus' sister (whose name escapes me at the moment) had a past. However, Maximus said that he had never been to Rome and wouldn't she have spent the majority of her life in Rome? I would appreciate any clarity someone could give me for this.
The Wife-
Chicago, 2002
Do not adjust contrast on your monitor; leave the brightness alone too. You are reading this correctly, I liked Chicago . I know right? It’s like all that bitching I do about musicals is just hypocritical negligence. This must be what it’s like to try new things. How about one step further, I really liked Chicago ; but that’s as far as I’m stepping out. I’ll even admit I did not give it a fair chance, because that’s what I do. “Oh, a musical? Yeah, I’m not gonna like this.” Well color me an asshole.
First and foremost Chicago was entertaining. There wasn’t one moment I found myself checking the time to figure how much longer I had to refrain from suicide. I think that may be the true test of a film’s quality. People can talk about acting and cinematography and graphics and wardrobe and style until they get pushed down a flight of stairs because they are annoying. But when push comes to shove, did the movie entertain you? Yes, Chicago did. Who knew Richard Gere could sing and dance and play a sleazy lawyer but still remain somewhat likable? Hell I didn’t even know he could act. This was far more than just a musical. You see in all the musicals I’ve ever seen, they string together the songs with mostly meaningless conversations meant to get you to the next song. The musical and regular parts of Chicago went together so nicely there was no need to fill gaps with chatter. The musical portions also satirized the acting, drawing out two worlds; one of song and the real one. These two worlds were blended together masterfully. This film deserved every award it got and John C. Reilly should have won for best supporting actor. But maybe it’s fitting he didn’t win after being a cellophane man.
Hobo Dan-
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Patrick’s Day
I hope everyone has a very merry get drunk off your ass day. Not like us working folk needed another reason to try and drink away the sorrow caused by our meaningless small existences. I was going to do some research on the holiday to flex my history degree muscles, but I got really bored reading about the Catholic Church. The period of time after the Vatican stopped crusading against the Muslims in Jerusalem but before it started crusading against the Boy Scouts of America is a real snore fest. So I had a green beer or fifty and passed out. I dreamed I was in a small black community in Alabama and everyone was real excited because they saw a leprechaun in a tree. I thought it was a crack head. It must have been caused by the dye they used in the beer.
When I woke up I realized I hadn’t written a damned thing about this poor excuse for a holiday. At least we don’t have a holiday for every catholic saint; they seriously have one for everything. What would you do if there were a St. Thomas More day, the patron saint of Lawyers? I personally would like to have a St. Ambrose day, the patron saint on Beekeepers. We could all lather ourselves up with honey and run wild into a field of beehives. That would be fun right?
I hate it when people try to pinch me because I’m not wearing green. Try it again and I’ll pinch you… between my car and a tree. How did that get started anyways? Were they going around pinching people in Ireland to check for alcohol poisoning? If they responded they weren’t dead yet? I don’t know, but it sounds to me like some creeper made it up to get a free pass at touching people. And what’s with Leprechauns in the first place; scary little dudes that ride around on rainbows and hide gold for people to try and find. What happens when someone finds the gold, do they get jumped by the Leprechauns and beat up? What kind of weapon would a Leprechaun use; maybe a little tiny butterfly knife. I think a gang of them could probably mess you up pretty bad. A good shank to the kidneys from a knife wielding midget would teach you to stay away from their Lucky Charms.
If I learned anything from the years I refused to partake in the tradition, it’s that people drinking are always looking to get more people drinking. They want to pass it on, kind of like VD without most of the shame. So what better way to get more people to ruin their livers than to create a holiday centered on hooch. I guess it didn’t probably start that way, but now St. Patrick’s Day is as synonymous with booze as Charlie Sheen is synonymous with cocaine and television shows that aren’t nearly as funny as people make them out to be. But seriously, be safe and remember to poor one out for your fallen homies.
Here is my favorite St. Patties Day Video, an oldie but a goodie...
When I woke up I realized I hadn’t written a damned thing about this poor excuse for a holiday. At least we don’t have a holiday for every catholic saint; they seriously have one for everything. What would you do if there were a St. Thomas More day, the patron saint of Lawyers? I personally would like to have a St. Ambrose day, the patron saint on Beekeepers. We could all lather ourselves up with honey and run wild into a field of beehives. That would be fun right?
I hate it when people try to pinch me because I’m not wearing green. Try it again and I’ll pinch you… between my car and a tree. How did that get started anyways? Were they going around pinching people in Ireland to check for alcohol poisoning? If they responded they weren’t dead yet? I don’t know, but it sounds to me like some creeper made it up to get a free pass at touching people. And what’s with Leprechauns in the first place; scary little dudes that ride around on rainbows and hide gold for people to try and find. What happens when someone finds the gold, do they get jumped by the Leprechauns and beat up? What kind of weapon would a Leprechaun use; maybe a little tiny butterfly knife. I think a gang of them could probably mess you up pretty bad. A good shank to the kidneys from a knife wielding midget would teach you to stay away from their Lucky Charms.
If I learned anything from the years I refused to partake in the tradition, it’s that people drinking are always looking to get more people drinking. They want to pass it on, kind of like VD without most of the shame. So what better way to get more people to ruin their livers than to create a holiday centered on hooch. I guess it didn’t probably start that way, but now St. Patrick’s Day is as synonymous with booze as Charlie Sheen is synonymous with cocaine and television shows that aren’t nearly as funny as people make them out to be. But seriously, be safe and remember to poor one out for your fallen homies.
Here is my favorite St. Patties Day Video, an oldie but a goodie...
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Dump the Corroboration
Sorry, it's going to be a pretty short one this week. After Monday's post you probably need a break to figure out if I'm sane or not. Anyways, I'm looking for a few good bloggers to lend a hand every now and then. Nobody flip out; I'm not stepping back. This isn't the first step to a barren and empty blog as it has been in the past. A friend recently asked if I was open to the idea of guest bloggers. It turns out I am. Mind you before application, the post must keep within the spirt of Dump, the blog. Read a few past posts and you'll get the idea. I'm still kicking around exactly how this will work myself so feel free to hit me with your ideas. E-mail will work best to contact me or just comment here and I'll get back to you. The email address is: dumptheblog@gmail.com
Also I’m hunting for more ideas of what to write about in the future. If you have any subjects you’re just dying to hear me mangle please mention them in the comments. I’m not guaranteeing I’ll touch on them, but I will at least put some thought to them and see what happens.
For you readers who have no plans to apply, be excited, this is your chance to read even more stories of woe and discontent; not to mention most other writers don't rely on run on sentences as heavily as I. Be safe, and sarcastic. Dump.
Also I’m hunting for more ideas of what to write about in the future. If you have any subjects you’re just dying to hear me mangle please mention them in the comments. I’m not guaranteeing I’ll touch on them, but I will at least put some thought to them and see what happens.
For you readers who have no plans to apply, be excited, this is your chance to read even more stories of woe and discontent; not to mention most other writers don't rely on run on sentences as heavily as I. Be safe, and sarcastic. Dump.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Nonsense
Turd-gobbling rat monkeys from outer space love the naked cinnamon challenge. They are, however, very cautious of smiling wobble-bangers in high heels providing hot wing contests. Those competitions always turn out to be kidnapping ploys sponsored by the Federal Bureau of Hot Wing Kidnapping Contests. The FBHWKC’s annual budget is 45 million, even though they only hold three events per year and employ seventeen agents. The rat monkeys try to avoid government programs because they don’t have green cards and only speak German. The rat monkeys chose to learn German to intimidate their mortal enemies, the drunken fart huffing mouse monkeys, who speak French. The mouse monkeys are arrogant wall bangers who refuse to use UPS because they claim to know exactly what brown can do for you, and they don’t like it. A certain mistranslation from English to French has led the mouse monkeys to believe the A-Team to be a nauseating sex maneuver. Those are only a few reasons for the rivalry between the two parties.
Now history shows us that people who speak German and people who speak French don’t get along; but the feud between the rat monkeys and the mouse monkeys has been going on long before they came to earth and learned its languages. One million years ago to the second from when I write this, the groups where created on their home planet. The mouse monkeys look nothing like a mouse or a monkey, they more resemble a goat. The rat monkeys look exactly like what you’d expect the offspring of a rat and a monkey to look like if thrown down the ugly tree. It is tradition in their culture to throw a new born from the highest branch of the ugly tree. If the child lives, it is welcomed to the community. If the child dies, it doesn’t have to live with its hideous appearance. The mouse monkeys on the other hand are born ugly but under go numerous plastic surgeries to make them look more like a huge purple Botox Oprah.
The rat monkeys that have migrated to America have had trouble holding to the ugly tree tradition. Without their homeland’s tree they have resorted to the American way to make people ugly, drugs, child abuse and McDonalds. All the rat monkeys that went to Europe are fine because there are forests of ugly trees there. Despite recent reports, relations between the two alien forces remain strained. The mouse monkeys have suggested the rats choke themselves on knives. The monkey rats insist they would rather use swords because the knives are too short to reach all the way down the esophagus. The rat monkeys have started using pooperangs when engaged in combat with the mice. Despicable little devices especially when you consider the high corn diet the rats enjoy. As tensions in the Middle East continue, it's only a matter of time before the true blood war between the turd-gobbling rat monkeys and the drunken fart huffing mouse monkeys breaks out in full. Stay tuned for updates on this most pressing issue. Good Day.
Now history shows us that people who speak German and people who speak French don’t get along; but the feud between the rat monkeys and the mouse monkeys has been going on long before they came to earth and learned its languages. One million years ago to the second from when I write this, the groups where created on their home planet. The mouse monkeys look nothing like a mouse or a monkey, they more resemble a goat. The rat monkeys look exactly like what you’d expect the offspring of a rat and a monkey to look like if thrown down the ugly tree. It is tradition in their culture to throw a new born from the highest branch of the ugly tree. If the child lives, it is welcomed to the community. If the child dies, it doesn’t have to live with its hideous appearance. The mouse monkeys on the other hand are born ugly but under go numerous plastic surgeries to make them look more like a huge purple Botox Oprah.
The rat monkeys that have migrated to America have had trouble holding to the ugly tree tradition. Without their homeland’s tree they have resorted to the American way to make people ugly, drugs, child abuse and McDonalds. All the rat monkeys that went to Europe are fine because there are forests of ugly trees there. Despite recent reports, relations between the two alien forces remain strained. The mouse monkeys have suggested the rats choke themselves on knives. The monkey rats insist they would rather use swords because the knives are too short to reach all the way down the esophagus. The rat monkeys have started using pooperangs when engaged in combat with the mice. Despicable little devices especially when you consider the high corn diet the rats enjoy. As tensions in the Middle East continue, it's only a matter of time before the true blood war between the turd-gobbling rat monkeys and the drunken fart huffing mouse monkeys breaks out in full. Stay tuned for updates on this most pressing issue. Good Day.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Spring 2011 Movie Preveiw
So let’s get something strait. I don’t have money to go see all the movies. Sorry. I know you all desperately crave my opinion on everything but I don’t just crap money; believe me I’ve tried. Anyways, this lack of movie going potential has led me to this post. I’ll be previewing movies and letting you know through a very simple rating system if I think you should see them or not. I have three basic hype ratings for the talkies. Category one, go see it in theatre. Category two, wait for Netflix or rental. Category three, I would only see this movie if you tied me to a chair and wired my eyes open like in A Clockwork Orange. I think those are pretty clear. Not like that ridiculous star system some critics use. What exactly differentiates a movie with three stars from one with three and a half? Probably nudity. Oh, and one more thing before we get started. When I do suggest a movie, and it happens to be in 3D as well as regular, I want you to see it in regular old 2D. My feelings about 3D are pretty clear, but I will reiterate. 3D is a blight on an already unoriginal industry that uses new technology to push forward instead of good writing and creative cinematography. If a movie is only good in 3D, then it was never good to begin with.
I think it goes without saying that far and away the movie of the spring I’m waiting for the most is Thor. And yes I know it comes out in May, but I'm counting it as spring anyways because there are a lot of movies this year; so shove off. If you’re not familiar, Thor is being produced by Marvel Comics and is an adaption of their popular comic line of the same name. Thor is the mythological the Norse god of thunder among other things. If you don’t know much about Norse mythology because all they ever teach in school is crappy Greek and Roman (which are the same damned thing!) then you are in for a real treat. Another reason to be excited is the director, Kenneth Branagh, who is best know for directing and acting in just about every Shakespeare play ever. Throw in Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin and how can this movie be bad? I’ll be seeing this one in theatres come rain, shine or Ragnarok. May 6.
I guess if I'm counting May as spring then I have to mention Pirates of the Caribbean: on Stranger Tides. For someone who didn't really care for the second and third Pirates movies, I could care even less about this money grab. That being said, Johnny Depp will probably make it watchable. I would usually call this one a wait until Netflix, but I guess I forgot to mention the super secret fourth category: my wife is making me go. So chances are I'll be dropping coin at the theatre for this one. May 20 *pretends to be excited*
I wasn't sure about Battle: Los Angeles when I saw the first preview. Not much for camera shaking and quick cuts, but the Super Bowl ad caught my eye. I do also like the acting of Aaron Eckhart, even before he was Two Face. Unfortunately, I just don't see enough time in the schedule for this one. Netflix it is. March 11.
There is a new movie coming out directed by the same person who did the Twilight movies! Aren't you excited? Yeah, me neither; Red Riding Hood think I'd rather eat dirt and poop sandwiched between urine cakes. Also March 11 if you really wanted to know.
I'd kind of want to see Sucker Punch! in theatres because Zach Synder movies look better on the big screen. That said, I doubt I'll see it until Netflix. March 25
I know my wife is going to try and get me to see Scream 4. I am going to fight her with all my heart and soul. As if the first two sequels weren't testament enough on how to milk a franchise. Category three, I'd like to forget they are making this movie to begin with. Unfortunately the wife will probably win this battle because it's close to her birthday. Ugh. April 15.
For some reason I had no idea until a few days ago that The Hangover 2 comes out in May. Not that I’m super excited for it, but that's a pretty big movie to have had no trailers in circulation. I enjoyed the first one the first time I watched it; the following billion times my wife made me watch it have started to wear on me. What made the first film work was it’s out of nowhere antics that provided some shock value. If all this sequel provides is a rehashing of the first, Ah la Home Alone 2, where all they do is up the crazy and keep everything else the same I’ll be sad face. This is in theaters for me only because my wife will force it. I’m pretty sure I’ll know if it’s worth it five minutes in. May 26.
So yeah, there are a ton of movies on the horizon, and I'm not going to cover them all. Anything I didn't get here, please feel free to ask me about in the comments. I'll try my best to give you my honest and sarcastic opionion.
I think it goes without saying that far and away the movie of the spring I’m waiting for the most is Thor. And yes I know it comes out in May, but I'm counting it as spring anyways because there are a lot of movies this year; so shove off. If you’re not familiar, Thor is being produced by Marvel Comics and is an adaption of their popular comic line of the same name. Thor is the mythological the Norse god of thunder among other things. If you don’t know much about Norse mythology because all they ever teach in school is crappy Greek and Roman (which are the same damned thing!) then you are in for a real treat. Another reason to be excited is the director, Kenneth Branagh, who is best know for directing and acting in just about every Shakespeare play ever. Throw in Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin and how can this movie be bad? I’ll be seeing this one in theatres come rain, shine or Ragnarok. May 6.
I guess if I'm counting May as spring then I have to mention Pirates of the Caribbean: on Stranger Tides. For someone who didn't really care for the second and third Pirates movies, I could care even less about this money grab. That being said, Johnny Depp will probably make it watchable. I would usually call this one a wait until Netflix, but I guess I forgot to mention the super secret fourth category: my wife is making me go. So chances are I'll be dropping coin at the theatre for this one. May 20 *pretends to be excited*
I wasn't sure about Battle: Los Angeles when I saw the first preview. Not much for camera shaking and quick cuts, but the Super Bowl ad caught my eye. I do also like the acting of Aaron Eckhart, even before he was Two Face. Unfortunately, I just don't see enough time in the schedule for this one. Netflix it is. March 11.
There is a new movie coming out directed by the same person who did the Twilight movies! Aren't you excited? Yeah, me neither; Red Riding Hood think I'd rather eat dirt and poop sandwiched between urine cakes. Also March 11 if you really wanted to know.
I'd kind of want to see Sucker Punch! in theatres because Zach Synder movies look better on the big screen. That said, I doubt I'll see it until Netflix. March 25
I know my wife is going to try and get me to see Scream 4. I am going to fight her with all my heart and soul. As if the first two sequels weren't testament enough on how to milk a franchise. Category three, I'd like to forget they are making this movie to begin with. Unfortunately the wife will probably win this battle because it's close to her birthday. Ugh. April 15.
For some reason I had no idea until a few days ago that The Hangover 2 comes out in May. Not that I’m super excited for it, but that's a pretty big movie to have had no trailers in circulation. I enjoyed the first one the first time I watched it; the following billion times my wife made me watch it have started to wear on me. What made the first film work was it’s out of nowhere antics that provided some shock value. If all this sequel provides is a rehashing of the first, Ah la Home Alone 2, where all they do is up the crazy and keep everything else the same I’ll be sad face. This is in theaters for me only because my wife will force it. I’m pretty sure I’ll know if it’s worth it five minutes in. May 26.
So yeah, there are a ton of movies on the horizon, and I'm not going to cover them all. Anything I didn't get here, please feel free to ask me about in the comments. I'll try my best to give you my honest and sarcastic opionion.
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